Here is a personal story submitted anonymously to the rainbowdharma discussion board:

This is a question that I find hasn't been addressed much at all by many teachers or sangha members. Five years ago when I decided to take refuge and fortunately found a ceremony on my birthday, the thought hadn't even entered my mind that I might be outwardly different. I was immediately made aware that my presence caused many to be uncomfortable. I at first thought it was because I was a new face, there were two maybe three other black faces.

I had actually been fortunate to be in attendance at a 3 day retreat and spending my entire time there must have conveyed somehow I was serious about the Dharma. The first day everyone was so welcoming but as the days passed people became very distant and less friendly. The people who shared my so-called skin color seemed overjoyed that I was there but kept insisting that I attend the weekly teachings and steering me towards a senior student for more information. I later found out that it was because after years of attending the retreats, none of the students would tell them were Dharma classes during the week were held. I know that sounds strange, but I didn't involve myself in the dynamics of "why", etc.

Due to some family matters the Dharma teachers moved away from my city and I actively sought out regular teachings. When I had asked about the teachings I was always given an address and time for a seminar or public talk and was told I could not approach the teachers. I spent two years or more receiving teachings from numerous teachers, scholars and lay people before, many were structured like college courses and on going throughout the year.

Many of the people at the retreat would attend, but no-one would acknowledge me or speak to me and always acted as if they had seen me for the first time. Of course that is a teaching but I had no idea or maybe didn't want to believe my race had anything to do with it. I have since found a place to study on a weekly basis and was the only black person till a few months ago. But I always attend the weekend retreat of the initial teachers where I took refuge.

During the most recent retreat I was invited to lunch by the other black retreatants and they asked me if I studied on a regular basis. It seems I was the only one (there were 4 of us)who hadn't let the unwelcome behavior of the Caucasian students seriously impede my dharma activities. When I suggested that they come and attend my weekly practice as it is ongoing and frequent they immediately let me know that they aren't able to handle the subtle "I don't want you here" snubs. I understood. It is a challenge and it does hurt because it is based solely on the color of your skin.

I have been studying with my current sangha for 2 years on a very regular basis, 2-3 times a week. I am an active participant, volunteer and consistent with my practice, but I have since met many black people who won't attend more than a retreat, because they are always made to feel unwelcome. I remember my first 10 day retreat with this group and when I think that others like myself have to find this in their spiritual life, it makes me want to cry. My first 10 day retreat was like a throw back to another era. I understood why many black people study alone.

Even after weathering some of the most humiliating behavior from the students of my teacher, he has noticed that Western Buddhist in America means a rainbow of students. It is so odd sometimes. The Asian students are so welcoming and respectful of each other, but the American Caucasians always let me know they aren't happy with my presence. Some of them seem to be annoyed with all outward appearance, so even the Asians are sometimes treated like lepers.

It isn't correct to attribute this behavior to all people who are Caucasian but there seems to be a problem that isn't addressed. Just from my small experience, I would say there are a lot of black buddhists who are practicing like solitary yogis.

I may not have conveyed how deeply this concerns me and how I witness the spirit of the teachings. I have found the Buddhadharma to be the most revolutionary, succinct and all encompassing study I have ever undertaken. My prayers are that the dharma arise in all of our hearts!

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